Liturgical pyromania at the hermitage

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It seems that I’m getting a name for being adept at burning that which is liturgically inappropriate. This time I was provided with a large plastic garbage bag containing a polyester chasuble and stole, replete with some rips and tears, along with a matching green burlap altar… um… sack… I guess… The request was for me to burn them, since I had all the pyro-logistics eager to be put into action. Having taken a day off from the parish, I headed off to the hermitage to do the necessary. Behold, with one match put to a well placed section of a waxed vegetable box, it begins:

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Note: Do not ever wear anything polyester around a flame. How it is that priests have not been burned to death with their polyester vestments during the Easter Vigil I do not know. Within just a few seconds, the conflagration is in full force.

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The acrid, black smoke necessitated by this practice of burning old Mass vestments signals that I’m ready to dispose of more like Mass vestments at anyone’s request. ;-) Just send them along and they’ll sooner than later become like incense rising before the throne of the Most High, for it is not a bad thing that that which is inappropriate is brought to a felicitous termination. I’m told that a very appropriate decal was first removed from the inappropriate vestments. Anyway, seriously, send them along. Father George David Byers; 214 Aquone Road; Andrews, N.C. 28901.

And while some people say that this is a waste, and that the vestments and altar sack should be sent to the missions, don’t think for a second that those in the missions didn’t dump them on non-mission parishes as, you know, snicker, snicker, souvenirs of the missions (other non-mission parishes having sent them to the missions first). People who think that those in the missions are necessarily tasteless and boorish are so tasteless and boorish themselves that those in the missions send their gifts right back to them. Irony is lovely. Truly. I do so very much appreciate it. But it’s better just to burn it all and be done with it and provide that which is honorable at the Most Holy Sacrifice of the Divine Son of the Immaculate Conception.


Filed under Pyromania

10 responses to “Liturgical pyromania at the hermitage

  1. elizdelphi

    It was so awesome when you made a yule log out of your old Sacramentary.

  2. elizdelphi

    hey, the hermitage has a Pope Pius clock.

  3. Nan

    I’m told that Abp. N audited the sacristy and disposed of anything polyester or tie-dyed. When I was ironing purificators, I had the authority to put the bad ones in the burn box. Someone had made a poly-cotton purificator which was sacrificed.

  4. I’m curious. Why were these items inappropriate? Because they were polyester? Or the wrong color? Or just worn out?

  5. Hi Father,
    Your article on pyromania made me chuckle and remember that I have a number of broken rosaries that I need to find a respectable way to dispose.
    Any suggestions? Thanks and God bless you!

  6. Pingback: Burning ugly vestments! | Fr. Z's Blog

  7. Mary Fran

    Glad someone had the good sense to send these to you. Polyester ANYTHING makes me gag. I think of all the “sisters” dumping their traditional habits in favor of polyester pantsuits. Those should all be burned too.

    I’ve posted this on Father Gordon’s FB page too. This time I think I’ve beat him to one of your posts. Even HE would not be happy to receive one of these polyester garments. Having NO liturgical clothing is better than polyester. Even his prison green.

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