Mothers Day in Appalachia [humor]


This week’s regional mountain newspaper had a full page add at the end of the first section with a Happy Mothers Day! theme, with the most pictured product for moms being guns. Yikes! Those are all smallish guns, even the 48 is lighter than the 19. But that doesn’t mean they are any less lethal. Kind of humorous, but not.

Giving these as a gift? Hmm. No. Not unless mom is already a gunslinger and specifically wants this or that gun for carry. If she’s not a gunslinger already, then this would be a much bigger deal than the tote bags, scented candles and coffee mugs also advertised.

There’s the transfer from the giver to mom, which is a big deal itself in some places. Then, to conceal carry, there’s the qualification and the course, which can be as expensive as the gun, by the way. There’s the fingerprinting which itself can be problematic if one is older. Then there can be what amounts to months of local background checks, and thorough investigations by the State Bureau of Investigation and the Federal Bureau of Investigation and other lengthy investigations, including from your physician and any care facilities mom may have ever in her life been checked into. Does mom want to do that? Good for her if she does, so that she can protect her kids and herself all the better.

But just remember, this is a lifestyle, meaning that you have to study the law, your local statutes, county statutes, state law, federal law, all of which is always in a state of flux.

You have to study deescalation, learn to live with situational awareness, practice the avoidance of problems. It means having a good psychology, a kind of unflappableness, the ability to remain calm even when adrenaline is pumping in critical incidents.

One has to know the best ammo for carry (hint: not FMJ), and how to carry and how to carry oneself and why. One’s wardrobe choices may have to radically change.

Importantly, one must get range time, regularly, making sure fundamentals of grip and stance and trigger pull are down cold always, making sure one is quick and agile, instead of being so slow as to invite an aggressor to just take your gun and shoot you and the kids with it. Having said that, it can be done, but mom must be a willing and enthusiastic participant, occasionally even going to scenario training, etc.

Also, just to say, the gift giver to mom has to follow up with literally tons of ammo as the years click by. And then there’s the gun safe, and holsters, and… and… So, don’t think you’re just giving a gun. This is an ongoing investment in life.


Filed under Guns, Humor

7 responses to “Mothers Day in Appalachia [humor]

  1. pelerin

    For us here in Britain that advertisement seems incredible. And to end up with a quote from the Bible is just surreal. I would much rather have a box of chocolates than a gun.

  2. Joisy Goil

    Meanwhile the ‘bad guys’ just grab and go – carry (and use) without a thought – sometimes it just makes you shake your head.

  3. Joisy Goil

    P.S. for my part – just give a box of chocolates. All I have to fight there is my scale. LOL

  4. elizdelphi

    I sent my mom a teddy bear holding a pillow that said “World’s Best Mom”, bought for 50 cents a pound at the thrift store that sells stuff by the pound, plus a strongly made and pretty antique rosary in a wood box, with instructions (she’s a protestant). Also a block of local cheese from here that she likes. And for dad (who expects a similarly good present if I send Mom one!) a thrift store mug on the theme “FATHER” with various words describing great fatherliness. They both opened the things immediately upon receipt and proclaimed how much they loved them. They are about to move into a retirement apartment and do not need to acquire such things, so I have no expectation that they’ll keep all that.

    • Mary E.

      I love it that your father expects a gift too. So true. Both of my parents are gone and so I will light a candle for my mother on Sunday. Sorry, Dad, but it’s Mom’s day.

      Small personal gifts are a good idea for those moving to retirement homes. Those don’t take up much space, but they personalize the apartment, which can be kind of generic. My aunt lives in one now, and she gave most things away when she moved in, and now, it seems that she is regretting that a little bit.

  5. Joisy Goil

    Here’s a suggestion for inexpensive gifts for seniors who are downsizing but still enjoy a surprise. Make a gift bag containing individual size items such as hand sanitizer, pocket size packs of tissues, sugar free chewing gum, pocket size notebooks, pens, little flashlights on a key chain, crossword puzzle magazines, book of stamps. These things come in very handy, are disposable and don’t take up much room but still are fun to receive and use.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.