American Community Survey: “Blaspheme you freak priest!” Me: “I love Jesus.”

The American Community Survey of the U.S. Census Bureau is NOT the Census of the U.S. Census Bureau. The ACS is sent out to relatively few individuals after the Census itself is over and done. The first round of the ACS amounts to a small volume of 48 pages, 8 1/2 x 11, with lots of intrusive, personal questions regarding one’s lifelong unrepeatable history. The penalty for lying or alternatively for not responding to questions is mandated by the U.S. Congress: up to $5,000.00 dollars in fines and up to five years in a Federal Penitentiary.

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  • Yours truly, Father George David Byers, Catholic priest and pastor of Holy Redeemer Catholic Church in Andrews, NC, admits his “guilt” for ignoring the electronic version of the ACS. It was indicated that a hardcopy would be sent out if I ignored the electronic version, or for some reason couldn’t complete it, such as a bad internet connection.
  • That hardcopy arrived Saturday evening, 21 November 2020. Yours truly also admits that, to date, now a week later, 29 November 2020, I have ignored that hardcopy. It was indicated that if I do not respond promptly with the hard-copy, an in-person interview may be conducted. I’m waiting for the banging on the door to begin. Fun!
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The stats on belligerent non-respondents being chosen to be interviewed, all things being equal, stand at 33%.

All things being equal, this is all random. But I know of two respondents in this region: (1) myself (the rather unwilling however vaunted Regional Census Partner for Western North Carolina); (2) our Supreme Knight of the Knights of Columbus (who volunteered to go door to door for the Census). The chances that both people tapped to be respondents to the ACS that I just happen to know about would have an already established relationship of some kind with the U.S. Census Bureau are, like, one in a zillion. Ain’t gonna happen. So, not really random.

Also, the ACS, like the Census itself, is dishonest, as they themselves brag about, saying that they will intentionally falsify answers given with the intention of protecting your identity from, you know, hackers and such. So, the whole exercise is used for – what? – gerrymandering political districts so as sway elections? My higher-up in the Census Bureau admitted they were giving talking points on this but wouldn’t talk. Pfft. What a bunch of criminals. Just my opinion. Anyway…

Some questions within the 48 page survey endanger oneself and one’s property. You are required to provide your daily schedule, as in when you leave your residence, to the minute, LAST WEEK (their capitalization), what kind of vehicle you have used in the LAST WEEK (their capitalization), how many minutes it takes you to get from home to work in the LAST WEEK (their capitalization), and extremely detailed information about everything there is to know about telephones and communications devices. Whiskey, Tango, and you know the rest. But that’s about as much as I would complain about the American Community Survey, all things being equal.

////// Humor break: Did I mention that the etymology of “Survey” is “voyeurism from above“? Yep. That would be right. Anyway… //////

Not all things are equal. There are any number of reasons why I cannot respond to the American Community Survey. In this post, I’ll just give one reason, the reason that I will ever so politely iterate to any very nice door-knockers. But I have more reasons.

After I had sent in the Census form of the United States Census Bureau on time and with correct information, such as yours truly being the only one to live in my residence, you know, as a Catholic priest in a Catholic Rectory, I received messages on my phone from three different individuals (some repeated) from the Atlanta Regional Census HQ apoplectic that I had to get in touch with them extremely urgently (I hate that kind of breathlessness) to answer a question they had for me about my residence. I did call them back…

My Catholic religion and I myself were forthwith mocked with great sarcasm by way of an inescapable implication that I am committing any number of criminal activities that must be secretly occurring in the Catholic Rectory where I reside. The only reason for such a concern is that it is, very specifically, a Catholic Rectory. Maybe I wouldn’t have been targeted if I lived in a Presbyterian Presbytery or a Baptist Parsonage, or in the house of a whatever Preacherman, Rabbi or Imam, or I were just an atheist or a Freemason or if I lived in the residence of – dare I say it? – a Democrat. Maybe it’s really because I’m a white boy, therefore “privileged” and, because white, therefore “racist.” This wasn’t about providing my credit card details. It’s not a scam. It’s called a hate crime wrought by the U.S. Census Bureau. To my recollection, the guy at the U.S. Census Bureau baited me multiple times with such words:

  • Because this is a Catholic Rectory we’re talking about, that must necessarily mean that you are keeping women and children there, because it’s a Catholic Rectory, right?

That word “keeping” inescapably implies accusations, right?

  • Prostitution?
  • Porn production?
  • Human trafficking?
  • Illegal immigration?
  • Cannibalism?
  • Targets for target practice?
  • Islamic style polygamy including child-marriage like Muhammad?
  • You fill in the blank: ________________
“Blaspheme Jesus, or we will mock you and kill you!” — “No. I love Jesus!”

Gotta be something like that because, after all, all Catholic Rectories are always necessarily residences used for committing crimes that involve “keeping” women and children. This isn’t one guy in the U.S. Census Bureau with some sort of personal tender snowflake ax to grind. There are three. This is purposed harassment accusing me of lying on the Census about numbers of people in the rectory and accusing me of any number of vile criminal activities.

So, it being that the Department of Commerce’s Census Bureau has me maliciously targeted only because I’ve been ordained a Catholic Priest and only because I live in a Catholic Rectory, how is it, I ask, that I am supposed to trust the next subsidiary of the U.S. Census Bureau called the American Community Survey, which also asks about any others living in whatever residence. The U.S. Census Bureau has already said that I must be a liar, feloniously attacking me in the form of a religious hate crime. What am I supposed to do with the repeated questions? Jesus was silent before Pontius Pilate. That’s my only way to proceed. That silence sent Jesus to His death. It will only cost me $5,000.00 and five years in prison. So, what-ev-uh!

Someone is surely going to say that belligerent non-respondents are not prosecuted for like the last zillion years, but the demonstrated malice on their part in my case is truly striking. In a swampy administration, I’m guessing that this kind of malice will be the common way of proceeding.

Richard: “You must lie to God under oath!” St Thomas More: “No! I love Jesus!”

What it means is this: I will be able to avoid a $5,000.00 fine and five years in a Federal Penitentiary if only I assent to their religious hate crime by agreeing with them that all priests always and everywhere are keeping women and children in their Catholic rectories because they are Catholic priests living in Catholic rectories, and only if I then proceed to agree to cooperate with the American Community Survey based on that presumption, so that I must lie and say that I am indeed keeping women and children in this Catholic rectory according to the numbers that they will, I guess, provide themselves, since there are in all actuality exactly zero women and children living here, or visiting here, ever. Doesn’t happen. But they consider that to be a lie, so they will fine me and imprison me anyway, you know, to cover up their religious hate crime.

BUT IT’S ALL MUCH WORSE: All of this is a blasphemy against God, who is Himself disparaged by the assertion that all of Jesus’ priests must necessarily be monstrous sinners because and only because they are Jesus’ priests. To threaten one of Jesus’ priests to blaspheme Jesus under threat of a $5,000.00 fine and five years in a Federal Penitentiary is that which is subversive to the Constitutional Republic of these United States of America, which instead boasts of the free exercise of religion, that is, freedom from the religious hate-criminals crushing the unalienable rights of citizens in good standing. The first amendment protects citizens from their government, which is supposed to be for, by and of the people.

“You must blaspheme Jesus!” — “No! I love Jesus! He’s the Lamb of God!”

What is happening with me is a full on persecution of religion by the government in this otherwise Constitutional Republic boasting of the Rule of Law, viz., these United States of America. Just the other week, the great SCOTUS Justice Samuel Alito was right to warn us all about the hell of religious persecution coming upon us.

“You must blaspheme Jesus!” — “No! We love Jesus!”

I’m guessing that the nice interviewers won’t come around for another few days or maybe another week or two because of Thanksgiving week throwing the schedule off just a bit. But maybe, if they then have time to read this post they’ll just choose to skip me altogether, you know, if all things were being equal. And, yes, I do get multiple hits from the U.S. Census Bureau to this tiny blog written by yours truly, an obscure mountain priest in this tiniest of parishes in North America.

///// UPDATE: Since this was published, the US Census Bureau has indeed visited the blog, with this post right near the top. Here’s that stat:

THAT didn’t take long. So, they are fully aware of what I have written here.

I’m an easy target for the cowardly but self-perceived powerful people, an expendable and insignificant test case. They have no idea that Christ Jesus, the Son of the Living God will come to judge the living and the dead and the world by fire. But, as I say, there’s not a great chance that I will be skipped considering their religious hate crimes against yours truly.

“You must blaspheme Jesus!” — “No! We love Jesus!”

Having said all that, their religious hate crime is only one objection. I have plenty more. And if they push, I will iterate another in detail, and if they push back, well, then, we’ll just have ourselves a little bit of discovery going on, won’t we? I’ll finally be able to delve into all those “files” of the Department of State. Heh heh heh. So, I don’t expect to see any Feds at the rectory at all. But sometimes people feel so “powerful” they just go ahead and launch themselves right into it, especially when they think that their swamp has sucked justice and integrity and honesty and the Constitution and the Rule of Law right down into the vortex of their quagmire…

“You must blaspheme Jesus!” — “No! Viva Cristo Rey!”

Look, I just want to continue being the Catholic priest for Jesus’ little flock here in Western North Carolina while being a patriotic American citizen in good standing. To desire good things is not virtue signaling. It’s called the hope of a sinner in God’s mercy, and the hope of a citizen in a very dark world.

But I’ll tell you what: I am totally disgusted by the swamp rats who hate God and who hate these United States, who have no integrity, no honor, no patriotism, who specifically hate Catholic priests and the Catholic Church.

I am attracted instead by the honor and patriotism instilled in me by my father, a great American hero, a practicing Catholic who taught me how to kneel properly at an altar rail, how to love Jesus. I proclaim that to the world:

These are some of the WWII medals awarded to my father and which White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows was able to get for me from the Department of the Navy and the U.S. Army. There’s two for the first, three for the second, and thank God only one of the third. Dad should have a war film based on him. He’s already been alluded to on the screen (Bah Bah Black Sheep) as he was the commander of the famed Checkerboard Squadron. The caption says: “George Byers Jr (1924-1993) USMC VLMB 611 & VMFA 312 Checkboard CMC. The world thanks you, dad. May you rest in peace. Amen.

This isn’t hero worship of my father. He was a sinner. He went to confession. I’m a sinner. I go to confession. When we honor the heroes it’s not done by acclaiming them and that’s it. That’s cheap. Jesus condemned that kind of fake praise. Instead, thanking our heroes is all about striving to follow their example of risking their lives continuously for God and country by doing the same ourselves. Pro Deo et Patria. That others may live. All that. Yes. All for Jesus, for neighbor, for country.

Can those who hate Jesus hurt me in this world specifically because of Jesus’ Holy Name? Yes. Can they hurt me specifically because I am one of Jesus’ little ones? Yes. And, being weak, I am a little bit in trepidation about that, like the greatest of all prophets, John the Baptist, was in trepidation, he wondering if Jesus was really the Messiah, because, you know, it shouldn’t be that the Forerunner, John, should get his head cut off for witnessing to the ten commandments, for if Jesus were really the Savior, He would stop that, right? Jesus’ response was to have John told that he wasn’t to be offended by Jesus. It’s the ol’ “as the Master (who will be crucified) so the disciple,” who was then forthwith decapitated.

It boils down to this:

  • American Community Survey Interrogator: “Curse God and blaspheme Jesus!”
  • Father George David Byers: “Praise God! I love Jesus!”
  • Jesus:

“Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven. Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you (Matthew 5:10-12 nab).”

I really like how Luke recalls this:

“Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude and insult you, and denounce your name as evil on account of the Son of Man. Rejoice and leap for joy on that day! Behold, your reward will be great in heaven. For their ancestors treated the prophets in the same way. (Luke 6:22-23 nab)

Yes, I really like that: “Rejoice and leap for joy!” That’s Jesus saying that. So, I better do it. I hope I don’t sprain my ankle! Here goes… LEAP!… I survived!

Woohoo! :-)

5 Comments

Filed under Free exercise of religion, Humor

5 responses to “American Community Survey: “Blaspheme you freak priest!” Me: “I love Jesus.”

  1. Mark March

    That should be “Grand Knight” Carl Anderson is the KofC Supreme Knight.

  2. nancyv

    Good one. I can remember that phrase “It boils down to this” and what follows afterwards. Give me a call when the ACS folk show up and I’ll come with tea and strawberry scones. Me and a “few” others, I’m sure!

  3. Catherine

    Dear Father George,
    Many years ago you told us of a time when you needed a miracle. You prayed in the car on the way to the emergency. It was after that you introduced us to your EMERGENCY CHAPLET OF THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION. It has held me in good stead all these years. May I suggest we reintroduce this powerful Chaplet since it is the beginning of Advent. But also, with all of the troubles knocking at your door, you and all of us, could sure use help from Heaven above. It is a simple Chaplet but it heals and protects. Perhaps we could all unite in prayer for you and your intentions Father.
    It begins with an Act of Contrition.
    Then using the rosary beads, we pray on the 10 small beads:
    “O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to Thee. AMEN.
    Then we finish that decade with the Kyrie:
    Lord, have mercy.
    Christ, have mercy.
    Lord, have mercy.
    Then we begin on the next decade of the beads with “O Mary,…”
    God bless you Father George. May the Precious Blood of Jesus cover you and all your intentions.
    Sincerely,
    catherine

  4. sanfelipe007

    Yep, another Emergency chaplet for Father George and Father G.

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