Category Archives: Humor

“Run away, Fr Byers, really far away! Stay away! You’re not safe! *They* are coming to get you!”

home alone GIF

So, all day Saturday, non-stop, I got recordings filling up the message bank on my phone, with the following paranoia, coming to me from someone who lives in Asheville and down on the coast of N.C.:

  • “They, the mafia, the international mafia, where you live, in Appalachia, they have pulse machines from international terrorists, pulse machines of wavelengths of bad stuff that can go through cars and houses and into your body and hurt you and make you tired and you’re not safe because they are coming to get you [lol: such a cliché] so you have to run really far away so that you feel better and where you’re not in danger from the pulse wavelength machines of the mafia from international terrorists. And you can read about it on [url] if you scroll two thirds of the way down and read about it there and it’s true and stuff and everything so go away, really far away, because you’re not safe and they are coming to get you, you know, those people who slow down by your house because there’s a speed bump and they look at your garden and tell you how nice it is or ask you what the Mass schedule is now but they are really slowing down and surely pointing international mafia terrorist pulse wavelength machines at you with bad stuff that goes through cars and houses and into your body and can hurt you unless you run away, really far away, and stay away, and you have to leave now because you’re not safe, and whatever you do, don’t get a 5G phone because everyone with a 5G phone coming this October will die because it’s a genocide of all people with 5G phones all around the world and everyone is going to die with 5G phones so don’t get a 5G phone because it’s as bad as the international mafia terrorist pulse wavelength machines with bad stuff and everything…”

All day Saturday, non-stop, and then on Sunday again, until the recording capacity on the phone was used up, which is annoying. Hospitals and nursing homes call my phone so that I can do Last Rites for patients, but they message bank is filled up so they can’t leave a message. I do shut my phone off when I’m saying Mass, for instance. The long messages have only stopped because I haven’t yet erased the messages already recorded. All too weird. And there’re motives for that, very ulterior motives. Too sad.

That person also happens to be smashing down a loved one. And that is like the mafia I know only too well:

  • “Sappiamo dov’è la vostra familia, capisce? Ci capiamo abbastanza bene o no, scarafaggio pretino che sei?”

The idea is: leave now, or else. Interesting, that. I’ll just take note of that and put it on some back burner that’s turned off permanently. Pfft. But I wish my loved one wasn’t being harassed. I get the idea that said person manipulating all this is trying to look like a paranoid schizophrenic for legal reasons that manipulate situations, meaning of course, that this person is just cruel even while very intelligent, but pretty much a sociopath, which isn’t legally insane, but, depending on how far such a person goes, can get one many years or lifetimes of years in prison. Too bad, that.

Meanwhile, Macaulay Culkin has some good acting skills in the gif above. ;-)

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Filed under Humor, Mafia

Organic gardening: Now it’s horn worms on my tomatoes with a zillion eggs

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This beast, hanging out underneath the leaves, is the manduca quinquemaculata, which, as a caterpillar, is the tomato-tobacco hornworm. No tabacco here, so they just have to eat my tomatoes. They turn into this, the five-spotted hawk moth:

“Hawk moth.” That’s rather a compliment. I call it a turd moth.

I’m still enjoying gardening. Finding out even about turd moths is a welcome break from the mayhem of the day, and here, in the drug capital of WNC, from the mayhem of the night as well. Still, I would rather eat the tomatoes instead of them.

“Instead of them…” That didn’t sound right. I meant I would rather eat the tomatoes instead of the horn worms eating the tomatoes. I didn’t mean that I would rather eat the tomatoes instead of me eating the horn worms. But there is some discussion of massive huge worms being an alternative source of protein. Just. No. Can’t do it. Even if it was all scientifically proven to be “good for you.” That would be like eating a… turd.

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Having to buy my free speech rights?!

MAFIA OMERTA

Is the God-given unalienable right to Free Speech guaranteed by the Constitution’s First Amendment cancelled out by the God-given unalienable right to the Free Exercise of Religion? Does a religious minister have to buy his right to Free Speech?

Here’s the heart of  the problem, at least for Catholic priests. Catholics have an obligation under pain of mortal sin to assist with Holy Mass on Sunday’s (or any Vigil Mass). The Federal Government by way of the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) assists churches by not taxing incoming donations (Income Tax). It would be entirely offensive to the flock for a church or even a church minister to endorse a political candidate, well, in certain circumstances. Let’s make a distinction, which is not theological but rather deals only with taxes.

The question is this: Does a church minister, in this case a priest, ever have the right to endorse a political candidate?

To put this another way concerning the IRS and Income Tax. This priest, yours truly, pays Income Tax.

  • I can receive income from the church as reimbursement for “business expenses” such as mileage (which I don’t do, to a loss of some $7,000 or $8,000.00 a year, to my loss). The parish simply cannot afford to assist me with what we call “Mercy Mileage,” miles which rack up when I take people frequently to hospital and doctor visits even hundreds of miles away (we are in a medical desert), or go on Communion Calls and Last Rites calls all over this four county area of Graham, Cherokee, Clay and Macon counties. Those purposes are called “business” as far as the IRS is concerned.
  • But that distinction, made by the Federal Government, the IRS, mind you, means that in the very mind of the legislator, there is inescapable the real and expected possibility that a minister, indeed a priest, will have non-business mileage which he has no right to claim for business mileage as reimbursement-income. And while it is intended that this be a zero-sum game, so that it is only the money spent on business mileage that will be reimbursed (something like 0.55 ¢ per mile), it is still a recognition that a minister or priest has down time, non-business time, personal time, in which case he might take a vacation/pilgrimage to the Lourdes or the Holy Land, maybe read a book or… or… wait for it… write a blog post.

Speaking of writing my own personal opinion in my IRS granted down-time, let’s make some other things clear:

  • This means that a minister or priest cannot express any endorsement of a political candidate from the pulpit, or during any official church function, whether on or off campus, whether during sick calls, Last Rites calls, Communion calls, during religious processions through the streets, during any celebration of the Sacraments or sacramentals, not even in private casual conversation if such minister or priest is actually using his status as a minister or priest to enforce such a political endorsement. This goes for church bulletins, newspapers secular or religious, radio or television broadcasting, or even social media. I do none of that.
  • I make it crystal clear that when I communicate anything I do that simply in my own name. Period. End of story. But if you want more detail, see the long list of disclaimers about who I don’t speak for:

https://wordpress.com/page/ariseletusbegoing.com/504

  • I’m sure the IRS would be interested in some logistics. I’m good with that!
    • The blog I write on is my own personal blog, not that of the church.
    • I myself pay the fees for the blog and the domain.
    • My blog has NOTHING to do with the parish. It has nothing to do with the Diocese. It has nothing to do, believe me, with the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops. It has nothing to do with the Holy See. Nothing to do with Pope Francis.
    • I designed the blog myself. No one edits it for me. No one is required to read this. Almost zero people in the parish do read it. Those who do so only read it once in a while, well, except for one or two people. But even they say that they pretty much just look at the “Flowers” posts, wishing these were on Instagram. Never!

Finally, let’s just ask the question:

In view of the IRS, can a minister or priest, totally on his own time and with his own resources, utterly not as part of his ministering or his being a priest in a parish or diocese, as expressed at great length above, go ahead and endorse a political candidate, it being a given that, in not using any 501c3 privileges whatsoever, but indeed paying his own income tax?

Diversely, can a minister or priest BUY BACK his God-given unalienable right to free speech as already guaranteed by the first amendment?

Diversely, can I, with all the distinctions made above, in my being a citizen in good standing in this great country, wave my American Flag and say that for I which I was so brutally censored?

AS FOR ME: TRUMP 2020

I’ve yet to read up on what Trump said in his executive order, or what the Bishops Conference said, or what Saint Pope John Paul II said, etc. I’m going a million miles an hour, busy with being a priest, and I love being a priest. I also love being a human being and a citizen, as least on my own time. By the way, if anyone wonders, my up-hours as opposed to my down hours, are often 12 or 16 or 18, sometimes 20 hours a day. I wonder if there really is much down time after that. Or maybe we are not allowed down time. I really NEVER take vacations, ever. There are scheduled days off that I miss out on.

Let me be frank about this… Here’s the deal: I was told that I am always and only 24/7/365 in my official public capacity, that I never am a private person. I wonder if pooping and peeing is private, or if my verbal diarrhea always has to be at the level of Papal Exhortation or Papal Encyclical or Apostolic Exhortation? I wonder if this is why we have IDIOT papal sycophants who think that every word that comes out of the Pope’s mouth or his pen is entirely infallible instead of only when he speaks on faith and morals to the universal church as the successor of Peter especially when deciding a controversy. These sycophants are the reason why we have, on the other hand, sede-vacantists. These are those who are responsible for such division in the church. They overstep their capacities taking on an authority they do not have. Shame on them. Shame on them. They are tender snowflake violent bullies who smack others down to demonstrate to themselves the power they don’t actually have. Whew! Amen, and, if you only knew:

Laughing out loud!

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Filed under Free exercise of religion, Humor, Politics, Priesthood

Bait so as to receive: how very Kryptos. Plot twist. Jesus reveals our identity.

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The picture above, taken at a parishioner’s house, is of Alex Trebek decades ago. Yes, there are re-runs of game shows from a lifetime ago. I just thought this particular scene was humorous and so took a picture of it. Sorry for using poor “Shadow” the other day as bait so as to watch the the knuckleheads show themselves. And they did. It is to laugh, out loud too.

Sorry if this is all a bit Kryptic. Some are bewildered at such Kryptesque posts that mention my “Shadow,” the guy who has been “established with secured identity” by those in DS-Rosslyn, with my own identity. The analogy for the continuing bewilderment that comes to mind is the befuddlement over seemingly entirely outrageous statements of POTUS Trump that he makes correctly but without revealing important circumstances. Like clockwork, over the space of a week or two, this exercise in baiting has the knuckleheads go full apoplectic and show themselves for who they are, and then after they make fools of themselves, good old Trump reveals the rest of the story as Paul Harvey would say. Checkmate. They know they’ve been had. In my own little world the rest of the story may or may not be revealed in this lifetime. I’m working on it, and I’m having fun while doing it, laughing all the way, even if the subject matter involves otherwise stunningly illegal arms transfers and rather shadowy characters and endless violence and loss of life. My “Shadow” might well be revealed even while exaggeratedly attempting to remain hidden, an unexpected plot twist. I digress.

This kind of entertainment – and it is just that, for me, entertainment – takes up about 0.00001% of my free time. I write about it because it’s all so stupid. It just is what it is. And I cannot, cannot, cannot write about what happens the other 99.99999% of my free time, not to mention what happens in my full-on priestly activities in confession, in spiritual direction, all that for which I actually live. Don’t get the wrong idea.

You have to know, I absolutely love being a priest, all of the priestly everything about visiting the sick, providing Last Rites, doing up funerals, and preaching!

Oh my! I love preaching. I learn about the Sacred Scriptures pretty much only while I’m preaching, that is, not so much any preparation, if any, but in the actual preaching. I’ve often spoken of this with my confessor. He has the same experience in being brought into a crushing-uplifting reverence before the Living Truth of Jesus by the Holy Spirit while preaching. I guess that’s how the Lord tells us that we’ve said enough and need to move things along, because… after that… we can get choked up, and simply not be able to say anything more. Preaching from the heart? This is more like putting one’s useless heart aside, because, look… look at that Sacred Heart of Jesus… In trying to reveal what is otherwise hidden in the Mystery of God’s love for us – plot twist – our own inadequacy otherwise hidden also to ourselves is – plot twist – revealed before the Light that comes into such darkness. Such Light! I love it, but…

This kind of thing is almost annoying. Take for instance the Consecrations at Holy Mass. I can usually get through the first, but by the second I have to battle with all my might from getting choked up in the presence of the Most Sacred Mysteries – the ultimate Kryptos – of our Lord’s ever so hidden love for us. I am a weak and useless and simple man. So, there we have it, a plot twist. Who we are, our identity, is revealed not when we claim an identity, but when we stand ever so simply before our Creator. We are revealed for who we are. Jesus strips us of our fear in which we stupidly try to hide ourselves. Fear is not an identity. Being forgiven reveals who we are before our Redeemer because He forgives by pouring into us the created presence of the Most Holy Trinity otherwise called sanctifying grace. How to say it?

“Hidden.” That’s “Kryptic.” Watch what happens the other way. The dear Lord, by way of His goodness and kindness and the Living Truth that He is, lays open our souls before His majesty. We know who we are when like the Apostle Thomas , we place our finger into the marks of the nails, and our hand into the gaping wound in His side that was made on Calvary by the sword of the Roman soldier.

Plot twist? Oh yes. And the games human beings play in this world which congratulates itself on being clever and shadowy? It is to laugh, but also to cry, for there is altogether too much game playing and violence and not enough of being drawn into the Living Sacred Mysteries of God’s Love and Truth, of Jesus, who will come to judge the living and the dead and the world by fire.

And if you feel lost in all this seeming convolutedness, like it’s all still too Kryptic, let some piercing eyes cut right into your very soul revealing how you stand before God, for her soul was pierced through that the thoughts of many hearts might be revealed (see Luke 2:35).

pieta

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Filed under Flores, Humor, Intelligence Community, Spiritual life

On wearing T-Shirts to Church: Mercy, Military, humorous Patriotism

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The above is worn by our church musician. There’s also a bit of mercy to be had:

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And then there’s humor in all truth. I totally laughed out loud when I saw this:

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I don’t see any inconsistency with any of these with each other nor with what is happening at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

 

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Dead Man Voting: sad humor

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There’s “I’m watching you…” and then there’s “I’m watching you…” LOL?

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There’s a local thug and buffoon who’s been aggressively doing up the fingers in the eye thing to me on various and sundry occasions so as to say, I guess, that he’s watching me. Sometimes people get upset just because you don’t fall into line with their train-wreck-lives, frustrated that there is someone who won’t conform to their idiocy. That tells me that there a lot of people who do bow down to any bully who happens along. Kinda creepy, that, all of that. But it also makes me laugh out loud.

Situational awareness is all about assessing situations with a view to deescalation and avoiding trouble if possible. With this kind of silliness, you just let people hang themselves (that’s a trope, by the way), and they do just that, being too self-confident, too powerful in their own eyes, way too narcissistic. Give it time and it takes care of itself.

What I find humorous is the realization that there really are people who are unaware that angels guardian see all, that God sees all. I mean, I tried to be this way in decades gone by. I mean, there were youthful days of idiocy in my life whereby there was even a Sunday or two that I didn’t go to church, to my everlasting regret. I failed in escaping God and my angel guardian. God, who sees all, with the angels, impressed upon me His presence, and brought me quite forcefully by His grace to go to Confession.

While it is sad to see those who are still oblivious in their lives, I see their weak-nothing-aggression as failing before God’s grace. I have hope that they will come around. I laugh previous to any conversion in the hope that they will also take up God’s prompting to turn their lives around. Surely they will laugh at their own antics in time to come. I don’t laugh AT such people. I laugh WITH such people. They just don’t know it, yet.

Meanwhile, it is, in fact, the Lord Himself, who, seeing all, will come to judge the living and the dead and world by fire. The Lord is, to be sure, deadly serious:

  • “The Lord laughs them to scorn” (Wisdom 4:18). Yikes!

Pick up your Catholic Bible and look up that oft-neglected passage, taking note of the context. You will find out that, for the Lord, this is no laughing matter. Not at all.

Being situationally aware that God sees all, that our angels guardian see all, brings situational awareness in general to an entirely different level. I recommend it.

Conclusion? Go to Confession!

 

 

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Filed under Confession, Humor, Situational awareness, Spiritual life

I’M RECLAIMING MY TIME MR BARR!!!

The Marxist shriek treatment against our great Attorney General William Pelham Barr the other day has a precedent which has turned into a meme:

This thuggish, buffoonish behavior was repeated by the Demoncrats ad nauseam. Here’s just one example:

I mean, the “I’m reclaiming my time” thing was repeated dozens if not hundreds of times in the four hours plus of this hearing. It would darkly humorous – but ever so very disgusting – to have all these put together in one video. The playbook was agreed upon beforehand:

  1. A Democrat asks a fake news, lying, specious question of Barr, demeaning him, slandering him, flinging into the depths of hell previously unknown low-levels of un-decorousness (which is a thing, actually).
  2. Barr, incredibly patient, entirely the gentleman, only begins to begin his answer.
  3. The Democrat thug violently interrupts, shrieking: “I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!”

And if you think that this is all ad hominem and a bit subintellectum, well, yes, that’s the level to which the Dems kept this at for four plus hours.

  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!
  • I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time! I’m reclaiming my time!…

It’s like the Covid-19 lockdowns are turning Congress into The Shining, wherein Jack becomes a dull boy:

The Dems really need to get a life. They are all fake news all the time. They are violent thugs. The “I’m reclaiming my time” thing makes the purveyors insane.

It’s all time of my life that I will never be able to get back, never be able to reclaim. Well, I take that back. I can offer that suffering for the conversion of such lost souls to the Living Truth, Christ our God, who alone, by the way, will come to judge the living and the dead and the world by fire.

There will be no entitled tantrums at the Last Judgment, that great and terrible day. There will be no possibility to interrupt our Lord, or to insist: “I’m reclaiming my time.” The Judge of All, the Lord God, the Almighty, will simply say, “Go ahead! Go off to your own place. Reclaim all of your time for an eternity of hell.”

We don’t want that for anyone. We want people to rejoice in conversion, in humility, in the reception of forgiveness, in the Truth and Love God IS.

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Father Robert Altier on the cleansing of temple by Mary

I laughed out loud when he described the difference between Jesus and Mary when it comes to the unrelenting ferocious cleansing of the temple. Hahahahaha. :-) Good for you, Father Altier. I love it.

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Seen in Police Department Squad Room

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That’s called the First Amendment, my friends. It’s not some sort of political foray other than to state appreciation for the most pro-police president the nation has ever had.

Here’s a detail of what was also seen:

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By the way, that’s not some sort of Blue Lives Matter reaction to anything. Instead, it’s called a Thin Blue Line flag which stands in solidarity with those who have been ambushed, killed, assassinated in the Line of Duty. Our police are the thin blue line between civilization and marxist chaos. It stands in solidarity with the families and communities who have suffered such horrific loss of life.

I was gifted the picture, the bill, and the flag the other day, but I’m reintroducing them for the moment, anyway, as I believe they are morale boosters. All police need a boost in morale that these days. It’s essential.

Also, just to say, again, I must thank the town for having arranged for an increase in the police budget and an increase in training.

For the haters out there… Cool your jets… The $20.00 bill is not some crime, clearly stating, as it does, that it is not legal tender.

What we must do is stand in solidarity with those who risk their lives at every incident, every domestic, every traffic stop, as things can go from 0 to 100 in less than a second.

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Customs and Border Protection irony for my “Shadow”: Lest we forget.

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The statue of Saint Michael was sent in by […] years ago. Already at that time he was one of the main trainers for agents up in Northeast Virginia, Maryland and D.C.

I am NOT CBP. The official hat came my way just the other day from a lad who just passed all exams and is now on his first assignment for CBP. I told him that it would remind me to pray the Saint Michael prayer for him. He liked that, a lot.

The humor and irony of this is about as biting as it can get. Just ask my “Shadow” who, instead, is like an archetype for “Lord of War.” That might be understood by some longtime readers of this blog.

Having gotten over the humor and irony, however, I am sobered by the uncountable deaths of those Fast and Furious has aided in bringing about, and by the death of Brian Terry. Lest we forget.

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Seattle entitlement list: ammo and guns?!

I see that Seattle’s CHAZ-CHOP or as I like to call it CHEZ – pronounced “CHEESE” – (Capital Hill Entitlement Zone) wants to be self sufficient in their new independent nation defined by entitlement that is dependent on the very ones they are pulling guns upon. Some of their “demands” in their safe space that is protected, mind you, by “military grade ausault weapons systems”, are the following:

As they continue gun down young people at will with the blessing and encouragement of Seattle’s mayor – who should be up for war crimes – I’m sure the demands will be along the lines of more guns, better guns (“the good kind”), more military assault type guns, more ammo of all kinds, more knives, more chains, more baseball bats, more machetes, more bomb making equipment, all of which, you know, is to be “the good kind”.

Ah, the entitled. They’re all the same. Bullies even in their own “safe spaces” of murder and arson and looting and total hell. Yep.

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This priest’s garden in mid-June 2020

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Cucumbers, Yellow Squash, Spaghetti Squash, Lettuce, Early Girl Tomatoes, Big Boy Tomatoes, Beef Steak Tomatoes, Hybrid Tomatoes, Lettuce, Asparagus and a 1000 times Asparagus.

It’s a crazy time in mid-June 2020. At the same time, God is good.

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Deescalating tender snowflake bullies. Humor in the midst of chaos. I laughed.

tender snowflake finger on trigger ar 15

If you know anything about ArmaLite Rifles, say, number 15, as in AR-15, you know this this tender snowflake thug has his fingertip touching the trigger. He stole that from a police vehicle that the thugs were ransacking, and had fired it into the air. It was chambered with a full magazine.

But since all bullies like this – who dishonor the gentle giant, ever so polite and soft spoken George Floyd, by the way, what with George Floyd having worked with youth to help them NOT to become thugs – … since bullies like this are always tender snowflakes entitled to be bullies and expecting everyone to let them smash everyone down, they are never prepared for real confrontation unto deescalation.

By the way and just to say. The finger on the trigger thing is a sign that this guy, like most all thugs, is NOT practiced with weaponry. You just NEVER have your finger on the trigger unless you are ready to kill. And he was waving the rifle around thoughtlessly, with crowds of people in every direction. Having a finger on the trigger under these conditions signifies a court-accepted fact of an imminent and deadly threat being presented. Always, every time. I myself saw this finger on the trigger thing by yet another thug and buffoon just a few weeks ago. It’s not good…

So, what to do? 13FOX knew what to do. They had a security guard with them, not just a guy who qualified for this with a written exam, but rather, I’m guessing, a retired SpecOps guy, probably doing jobs like this to get money to care better for his family in times of Covid-19.

He sees the finger on the trigger thing and instantly charges the scrawny bully:

press security removes ar 15 from tender snowflake

You can see that our security guard, entering the picture to the left, has his trigger finger high above the trigger guard, on the barrel of the pistol, as it should be. In a nanosecond he’s acquired the AR-15 with absolutely no one hurt. In the next nanosecond our hero has dumped the magazine out of that AR-15 and un-chambered the next round, always aware of his surroundings at any given nano-second. Absolute Perfection. I love it. It’s what one expects from practiced training. When I saw the twitter videos of this I must say that I laughed out loud. This is the 2nd amendment at its absolute best. Kudos to this guy. I’m impressed. I don’t know if you can see this on WordPress but if you can’t, you can look it up. It’s hilarious.

I’m told by a reader who sent in this story that 911 was called and the AR-15 was given to authorities. The kind reader says: “I’m no expert at all, but it looks *really* professional to me.” Yes, indeed. Our reader continues:

“Same incident from a different angle. Can hear him yelling ‘PUT THE WEAPON DOWN!'”

“I think everyone on that city block knew instantly they were in the presence of someone who had total control over his movements, over his weapon, and over the situation.”

Yes. Indeed.

I mentioned to one of our elderly parishioners the other day that I was out of practice, ever since Ammo shot up in price, so to speak, because of Covid-19, and now this. I mentioned that my totally anomalous fluke all-time best for target practice with the drill being (from a serpa locked holster) two to the body (for me a 4 inch by 4 box), and one to the head (for me that being a 3 inch by 3 inch box) on a piece of paper 25 feet away, was 1.01 seconds on a shot timer. I instantly followed that with the admission that I will never get that under one second, what with little ammo round about. But she encouraged me that it’ll all come right back, and I just might break the one second thing. I’m happy for the second amendment these days.

Again, kudos to the guy in the video above. I’m sure he’s got stories to tell.

Forgive me, but I just had to inject a little humor during these weird times.

It’s time to run up to church to offer Holy Mass. I think it might be…

♬  Latin ♬ Mass ♬ Monday ♬

I need lyrics for that last phrase. Anyone?

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Filed under Guns, Humor, Law enforcement

“Who Let the Dogs Out?” Shadow-dog baits anti-Catholic. State Dept to the rescue.

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Due to a Shadow-dog related incident this past Monday, mid-morning, this post is offered for the record, in case a very much one-sided confrontation is escalated.

who let the dogs out opening scene

So, as the police chaplain, I have to ask:

During the day the security situation is like this with innocent Shadow-dog:

When confronting a GSD like Shadow-dog, don’t be afraid, don’t be aggressive, don’t be suspicious, don’t be malicious, don’t be scolding, don’t be fake-nice (dogs see through all that passive-aggressive rubbish), just be yourself. This is how it should be when encountering people, right?

Meanwhile, Shadow-dog is ready to play, carrying his fetch-toy wherever he goes on his patrols of the fenceline, always game for gaming. He will ever so gently touch Laudie-dog on her shoulder with this fetch-toy. She will jack up the stakes, gaming his gaming, to his delight.

Shadow-dog likes the playfulness of Laudie-dog, but invites playfulness with the backyard neighbor’s old yet playful and big white dog (possibly some kind of quite shaggy Sheep-dog). The invitation – of course in the form of squeaky barking and hopping around on his own side of the fence – isn’t reciprocated, which is frustrating for Shadow-dog.

The situation for Shadow-dog isn’t much better with the next door neighbor’s therapy pony – not much bigger than Shadow-dog. Cooper, the therapy pony, will munch on the same blade of grass for minutes at a time, egging on the invitations of Shadow-dog to play. When Shadow-dog calms down, Cooper the therapy pony will slightly move a hoof, starting the barking invitations of Shadow-dog all over again.

But here’s the deal: all the neighbors find all this to be entirely humorous, laughing at how Shadow-dog is baited by other dogs and ponies. All are perfectly fine with Shadow-dog’s playfulness and voiced invitations to play. Not only are they not bothered, but they are grateful for his antics. They know that he is the reason for a lack of home invasions in our immediate section of the neighborhood. There are rough elements with equally rough crimes (such as murder and assault) which we are all happy to avoid.

On another level – apart from playfulness -Shadow-dog cannot be baited, but instead does the baiting. Anyone taking a fleeting glance at Shadow-dog knows that he could literally rip any human being to shreds should they prove to be malicious in ripping yours truly apart in front of him. He wouldn’t just let that go. Neither would relatively diminuative Laudie-dog for that matter. Shadow-dog could jump fence anytime with zero effort. But he doesn’t. GSDs are loyal to their human servants and their own well-defined territory of responsibility. Some few human beings are mean to him, even having shot at him, accurately, with a pellet gun a number of times. Laudie-dog was also shot, once with bird-shot of – I’m guessing – a 4.10, and once with a pellet gun. Neither of them retaliate. Laudie-dog is too sweet. Shadow-dog is also good to go, as long as he has his own domain under control, with no one who is entirely malicious to the death inside his environs.

During the night the security situation is like this with innocent Shadow-dog:

At night it’s more difficult to ascertain who human beings are, where they are, and what they are doing. Ask LEOs. They say that nothing good happens on the street after 10:00 PM. Nighttime brings out a whole other population of human beings, many of whom are, in fact, malicious. So many beheadings and murders and burnings of other human beings in the area and region demonstrate the objective malice. Shadow-dog knows this well enough.

Shadow-dog, as a GSD – a kind of wolf – has an upped sense of situational awareness. Far from paranoia, categorically diverse from paranoia – not even on the same spectrum – is situational awareness, which instead looks for solutions of deescalation in any given situation, of escape in any situation, or, if it cannot be avoided, how to fight in any situation, etc.

But Shadow-dog ups this by baiting out and downright provoking a reaction. This is not necessarily what human beings should do in direct encounters with possibly and especially probably malicious individuals. But dogs are spectacularly adept at providing running commentary on questionable circumstances so that they can all the more accurately report how contingencies are playing out. Dogs are front-line operatives.

Shadow-dog is now over three years old, and has mellowed out enough for me to have moved him outside the house 24/7/365. His commentary, wonderfully, is limited to possibly malicious human beings. So he barks rarely enough, even at night. But if it’s at night, I pay close attention.

There was a barking-baiting session at 1:30 AM the other night. I listened intently. I heard the cause, loudly: what had to be a maul-ax smashing of a door for a home invasion, or probably just smashing up branches for a druggie fire as it was a really cold night and they wanted to keep warm, which I’m certainly not going to begrudge them. And Shadow-dog should have barked. The maul-ax strikes were really quite violent. Goood daawwg Shadow-dog!!!

But someone in our little town didn’t like it one little bit…

… and came by the next morning to tell me what a terrible sorry excuse for a Catholic priest I am, letting Shadow-dog bark like that and everything. This person was so aggressive, charging me again and again, and not letting me get in a word of explanation in edgewise, that I just retreated, again, and again and again. This person kept charging, so I ran under that back patio and closed the gate. This person kept berating me so I said that I’m requesting leaving the property. And then many drive-bys by this person took place. One of neighbors came to warn me that this person had circled back to my house like four times in as many minutes. Yikes! I’m happy to have neighbors who are concerned for my welfare.

I disagree with poor Shadow-dog being used by this complainer-person as an excuse for anti-Catholic bigotry, you know, against all the damned Catholics and all their damned dogs.

Was it not at the time that Antony was predicting the result of Julius Caesar’s assassination that we hear this:

A curse shall light upon the limbs of men;
Domestic fury and fierce civil strife
Shall cumber all the parts of Italy.
Blood and Destruction shall be so in use
and dreadful objects so familiar
that mothers shall but smile when they behold
their infants quartered by the hands of war,
all pity choked by custom of fell deeds.
And Caesar’s spirit, ranging for revenge
With Ate by his side, come hot from hell
shall in these confines with a monarch’s voice
cry “Havoc!” and release the dogs of war
that this foul deed should smell above the earth
with carrion men, groaning for burial.

Ah, yes! Cry “Havoc!” and release the dogs of war.

I’m not going to release any dogs – and they won’t jump fence – but I’m not going to correct his behavior. He’s quiet all night, every night, unless there is something violent going on. And then, as a town manager said to me, mentioning someone complaining about Shadow-dog, not letting me defend Shadow-dog, but instead himself interrupting me to defend Shadow-dog, asking me whether or not Shadow-dog cuts down on home invasions for all my neighbors. Yes, of course, and they all say it, all appreciative of Shadow-dogs efforts to put himself in danger on the front lines and protect us all. All my neighbors appreciate Shadow-dog’s efforts. All of them. — Of course, he said. And that was that.

Getting the State Department involved:

Meanwhile, in recounting this story to a fellow priest, it was suggested to me to make a comment about my best friend in the State Department (retired) being somewhat delinquent in sending treats for both Shadow-dog and, of course, Laudie-dog, whom she wants to adopt. She’s only said that a million times. But, the problem is, Laudie-dog adopted me. And she softens some of the sharper edges of Shadow-dog. ;-) But actually, dearest Charlene always keeps both Shadow-dog and Laudie-dog in good standing with treats of all kinds. They are “rurnt” as they say these parts, “ruined” or spoiled, totally in expectation of treats all the time for any or no reason. Being falsely accused of grave crimes and misdemeanors – such as doing the service of alerting to violent actions – is more than enough reason to load down both Shadow-dog and Laudie-dog with treats. I’ll do that right now. I think dearest Charlene will agree with that pampering of her furry friends.

Dearest Charlene has a blog called the Prodigal Catholic Writer, and she’s written a post about what she says is “definitely the most embarrassing evening of my life,” quite funny about one of her State Department experiences in Tanzania. If you want some good humor in your life – and I recommend this to the complainer described above – here’s dearest Charlene:

http://prodigalcatholicwriter.blogspot.com/

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Filed under Dogs, Humor

Coronavirus High Holy Days Humor in a real Prison while we’re on lockdown

pilate jesus barabbas passion of the christ

Pilate in the center, Jesus in light, Barabbas in the dark.

When Pilate asks whom the people want him to release, as was the custom during the High Holy Days, the people shout repeatedly: “We want Barabbas! We want Barabbas!”

Jesus is the Divine Son of the Father, laying down His life for us, the Innocent for the guilty, taking on the punishment each one of us deserves so as to have the right in His own justice to have mercy on us. Hours before, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed to His Father: “Abba! Father!”

Jesus, the Divine Son of the Father is passed over in favor of Barabbas, whose name, in full irony, means “Son of the Father.” And so are we all created and now redeemed as children of our gracious Heavenly Father.

Has any of us ever said about anyone anywhere, “Better him than me”?

Meanwhile, the people, all of us, received what we wanted: Barabbas.

And then this is what happened to Jesus before being crucified:

Jesus Pilate Ecce Homo

Notice the clever film editing: Jesus, who was at the right hand of the political powers that be, is now on the left hand of the political powers that be.


Humor: So, in prison, two good friends, Father Gordon MacRae and Pornchai Maximilian Moontri, celebrated Palm Sunday Mass with the reading of the Passion. Max took all the parts except Jesus and the Narrator, meaning he also had, for instance, the crowd.

Max, you have to know, is from Thailand, and grew up speaking Thai until 11 years old, when he was effectively stolen away to Maine, being a horrific saga that has turned out well in the end. The point is that he doesn’t have perfect English Pronunciation of Hebrew, which means that… drum roll… wait for it…

At the point where the crowd yells: “We want Barabbas! We want Barabbas!” Max instead reads, entirely innocently: “We want Baber-Ass! We want Baber-Ass!”

Father Gordon said that he somehow contained his laughter. I would have laughed so loudly the guards would have had to show up in force.

This is one of those epic, epic moments in the life of Jesus’ little flock. A story that will surely be told in heaven, hopefully with also a redeemed and saved Barabbas listening.

Meanwhile, on this Friday of Easter week – every day like Easter Day…

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Filed under Coronavirus, Humor, Spiritual life

Coronavirus: Provision of Sacraments. How to be joyful, at peace, in mayhem. Update!

consecration-

Apparently, the Diocese has forbidden the celebration of pretty much all the Sacraments except in the danger of death. Ha ha ha. I didn’t get that message until after the famous Monday, 30 March 2020, in my parish. Ha ha ha.

Late on Monday, there were four people in church:

  • Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament
  • Yours truly
  • A young couple

What did we do, you ask?

  • Baptism
  • Confirmation
  • Mass with First Holy Communion
  • Their natural marriage then was transformed to a Sacramental Matrimony

Elsewhere, also on Monday, same day, before sunrise, down in the hospital, I did up these Sacraments:

  • Confession
  • Last Rites: Anointing

And all that was putting Holy Orders of the Priesthood of Jesus Christ into action.

So, enacting my priesthood with the provision of six other Sacraments. Not bad in this time of Coronavirus if I do say so ever so snarkily myself. ;-)

Looky here: An order from the Diocese not to provide the sacraments except in danger of death would not be given unless people were nervous that we are in a time of generalized danger of death, right? I don’t think the intention is to make it difficult to go to Confession. That, I think, is an exception. And anyway, I did all this before that particular directive was given. And anyway, I’m sure no one is wanting at all to suspend me a divinis or to excommunicate me. I’m not in trouble. Far from it. That’s not how things work in this diocese. This is the best diocese ever. We have a great Bishop and a great Vicar General. I have a great Vicar Forane. I’m ever so happy.

Happy Its The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown GIF by Peanuts - Find ...

I mean, you know:

byers dance paul vi audience hall

Actually, what I’m looking for before the “peak” of Coronavirus hits with mayhem, is to have people come to the parking lot – staying in their spaced-away-from-each-other vehicles – to give them an instruction on General Absolution (the Third Rite permitted by the Church in emergency situations) upon permission of the Bishop. The conditions to receive that absolution with integrity and honesty, avoiding sacrilege, are as follows:

  • Done with the permission of the Bishop
  • The candidates must have contrition for ALL of their sins
  • The candidates must have the intention to amend their lives so as not to sin again
  • The candidates must have the intention to go to individual Sacramental Confession with a priest as soon as this is possible if they survive

At this time, anyone at anytime can come over to the rectory and bang on the door and I will don my PPE provided for my work with the PD and hear the Confession in the driveway. Yes. Easy peasy. All with joy. Be at peace. Perhaps dance for joy.

Humourous UPDATE!

That was sent in by a reader…

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Filed under Coronavirus, Free exercise of religion, Humor, Missionaries of Mercy

Coronavirus advice for criminals

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Filed under Coronavirus, Humor, Law enforcement

Coronavirus humor & Law Enforcement

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Sister is far too kind. When I was a kid, rulers had metal edges so as to permit super-straight lines, perfection and otherwise striving for excellence being the norm. Imagine that: the norm, what is expected, what is elicited, what is produced.

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Filed under Coronavirus, Humor, Law enforcement

Coronavirus humor gone malicious

The above humor? Great!

But then there’s the guy who was purposely coughing on food, then saying he’s tested positive for the Coronavirus (regardless of whether it’s true or not). That guy is up on terrorist charges and is set to go before a judge.

Meanwhile, two, say, 19-21 year old guys were in the supermarket the other day. I was going into the store just behind them and surmised (sorry for the profiling of behavior) that they were up to no good. About 15 minutes later I’m in the dairy section of the store trying to buy groceries for some of our elderly and health compromised parishioners. I was busy looking at the food prices, having stupidly let my situational awareness go down, and these guys walk up quietly behind me and loudly sneeze. When I turn to face them, they are laughing away. Hahaha. Very clever. I just looked at them, bored with such antics. It’s not easy to get me worked up over such stupidities. But we will see what happens with me in the next few days.

These are the kind of idiots, it seems to me, who will be carriers, and then spread the virus to, say, their vulnerable grandparents, who might get sick and die. Entitled narcissistic brats. That’s my “No” vote for that kind of non-humor.

Oh, and by the way… Yes, my sister had a Schnauzer like the one pictured above when I was a little, little kid. This was sent in by a reader who didn’t know that. Nice coincidence. I like that. Our Schnauzer was named Patsy. Good to see good humor.

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Filed under Coronavirus, Humor, Terrorism