“I’m gonna die!” Two seconds to discern someone is a saint. No sighing! Sigh!

I put this video up the other day, but there are just a couple of seconds I’d like to emphasize. It’s queued to that time in the video. It’s the moment when Carlo found out he was going to die soon. He’s sharing the news with his social media followers. He has some news to report: “…quello: destinato a morire” – “that being… ‘I’m destined to die.'”

Then a smile, so unfeigned, so sincere, so pure, emanating the joy of Holy Spirit, betraying the enormity of all of the eternity of heaven right NOW coming into anyone’s life, with God’s hand strongly pulling you into heaven, right NOW, followed by the tiniest bit of laughter, but that smile immediately, subtly overlayed by another that has such joy, such enthusiasm to be going to heaven, and going to heaven right… now… and then another smile ever so subtly overlaying that one, you know, to let us know where he’s at in his grief of leaving us in this world, but that it’s a done deal, signifying this by clapping just once in joy… that’s it’s happening… It’s a done deal… It’s happening right now… NOW!

That’s the grace the martyrs had as they sang hymns while marching to the guillotine, to crucifixion, to beheadings… We’re gonna meet Jesus, and it’s happening right NOW!

Yes. It only takes two seconds to discern that someone is a saint.

• “The time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” (2 Timothy 4:6-8).

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Meanwhile, the opposite is also true. It only takes two seconds to know that someone is not a saint. Take me, the non-saint, as an example. I say those words of Carlo – “I’m destined to die” – all day, every day – “I’m gonna die!” – but with a sigh so loud that it’s enough to crater the town. That goes with another exclamation: “I wanna go to heaven!” – but with another sigh so loud that it doubles the crater just made.

This is triggered each time, all day, every day, by yet another report of the continuous non-stop faithlessness emanating from the city that has lost the faith on the Italian peninsula. Whoever hears my sigh answers, “We’re all gonna die, Father!” “Good answer,” I respond. They say in sync, “I wanna go to heaven, too, Father!”

Unlike Carlo, the “I’m-gonna-die”-thing is never about getting the news that I’m going to be taken out by a fatal disease at any second, but rather about the sentence of having to stay on earth, with me struggling because not being as enthusiastic as was Saint Paul in Philippians 1:23-24…

• “I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.”

Whereas Carlo was happy to depart and be with Christ and was also always happy to be with those he helped while he remained in the body, I find myself to be like a dumb and good-as-dead-jackass beaten continuously by faithlessness all around. It’s a Father Byers contra mundum (against the world) kind of thing, but with me not depending much on Jesus. The not-much-trust bit, of course, leaves me a bit overwhelmed. I’m quite faithless, really.

Sure, Jesus is working on me so that I learn to be enthusiastically determined in the peace and joy which He does give me and in which I rejoice, but I’m still sighing as a learn about the enthusiasm part.

Our Lord sweat blood whilst His will was in conformity with the will our Heavenly Father (as always), but that only speaks to His enthusiasm, whilst my sighing refers to my reluctance.

But – Hey! – at least I know this about myself; at least I can cry out to our Lord about this. It’s not that I have to stop exclaiming “I’m gonna die!” and “I wanna go to heaven!” when I hear of all the hell on earth every second of every hour of every day, but rather that I have to learn by the Lord’s good grace to be led more into that enthusiasm in which Carlo rejoiced.

I’m always saying that we if we’re scandalized by all the hell that has broken out on earth, that means that we haven’t much seen the wounds of Jesus. So, it’s not about taking ourselves seriously. It’s about taking the Lord Jesus seriously. Our Lord had infinite enthusiasm to bring us out of this hell and right into heaven. See the wounds!

So, let’s see.. I know… how about a visit to Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament? Jesus is the spiritual director of us all. The spiritual life isn’t about coping mechanisms. It’s about Jesus whooping us upside the head to let us know that He has taken us and does take us deadly seriously, right here, right now, that He has intervened and is intervening in this world in each of our lives, personally, that He is with us… Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity… Do you see His wounds?… That’s Him!

Let’s see… where’s that website (now run by others) that Carlo put up on Eucharistic Miracles? Ah, here it is…

• http://www.miracolieucaristici.org/

Oh, wait… He’s got another on Marian apparitions he put up (also now run by others, of course):

• http://www.apparizionimadonna.org/en/avm/home

After perusing that for a bit, how about some time before the Blessed Sacrament? And a Rosary? That’s what I’m gonna do today. I need that. I’m so faithless. I take myself way too seriously. SIGH! I’m gonna die. I wanna go to heaven. … Time to take note of…. JESUS and His dearest dear Immaculate Mother MARY.

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Oh… one more thing… and just to say… Carlo “had brain hemorrhaging at the time of his death, and he offered his suffering for the pope and the Church.” 2006 was the year of his death.